The Plainsman Press - South Plains College

Jordan Williams, staff writer

As I was searching for something to write for this issue, I debated whether or not to write something that I really wanted to write for a long time.

This is supposed to be an opinion article, and though I have plenty, I have yet to share my strongest opinion yet. For those who know me, they know that I am not very opinionated or even very outspoken. Of course, there are things that I feel strongly about, and I would love to share some of my more conservative views with the liberal college campus, but this article is not the place to do it.

As the holiday season nears, it is usually a time for happiness and spending time with loved ones. But for me, this holiday season will be one of sadness and longing for the most important person in my life.

On June 11, 2005, my dear brother Jacob passed away from cancer. He was only 18 years old, but he will forever live in my heart. Jacob lived with this deadly disease for 14 courageous months, living longer than any doctor predicted, after many surgeries, the loss of one kidney, and the possibility that he would never walk again, Jacob fought his battle with determination and a will to live.

By the grace of God, he was able to live everyday until he felt that he had accomplished his duties on Earth. Jacob and I grew closer in our relationship during the last 14 months of his life, and I will forever be grateful for the memories.

As I prepare for the 10 drive to Houston to be with my family for Thanksgiving, I, and my family, will have one important person missing. When I eat Nana’s turkey, I don't have to save a drumstick, or two, for Jacob. When I eat Maw Maw’s coconut pie, she will not have to make an extra one just for Jacob. My cousin Macy will not have to endure any more criticism for what she wears that day. My cousin Caitlin will not get endlessly teased for not eating her dinner, or for my cousins Andrew, Micah and Matthew to hurry up and clean off the table so they can go play football outside with Jacob.

My grandfather's and uncle’s yells directed toward Jacob as he sat blocking the television screen during the Cowboys game will be quieted. My Aunt Glenda will not have to keep Jacob from jumping into the pool. My Aunt Diane will not have to chase Jacob around the house because he is just plain annoying. My sister will not have to fight the urge to argue with Jacob, and I will no longer have to be the ultimate mediator between the two. I will no longer have to sit between the two to make sure that they do not kill each other.

My parents will no longer have to pray that Jacob does not say anything that will get him into trouble. When the family was together, everyone could tell that Jacob was in the room. He could liven up any situation, no matter the moment. To some, this would be fine for this person not to be present, but I want this back.

I don't want to just sit there and talk about Jacob. I want to feel his presence in the living room. I want to feel his playful punches that were ever present on my arms and stomach. I want to be able to punch him again. I want him to endlessly laugh and to show off his brilliant smile. This has been standard for 18 years, and now it is gone. Will I feel guilty when the family laughs, and Jacob is not there to respond with some sort of smart aleck or sarcastic response? Of course I will. I hope I do, anyway.

Jacob was the polar opposite of me, and because of him, I become more outgoing everyday. Jacob was my hero, and he made me the person who I have become since his passing. Although I was 15 months older than him, I hope that he realized how much love and respect that I, and others, had for him. In his short life, I have no regrets about my time that I spent with him. I have not had to suffer by wishing that I had said this, or said that. Jacob taught me to be honest, and to remember to tell people that you care for them and appreciate them. I realize that as each day passes, Jacob is looking down upon me, and I hope that he likes what he sees.

I live each day with the sweet memories of my brother, and I thank God for the ability to have these for many years to come. As I read in my Bible about peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control, I realize that Jacob possessed all of these wonderful qualities. He was able to truly understand God's message to him, and he taught me to delve deeper into God's meanings.

I realize that yes, the holiday season will be tough and tearful. I know that in my heart, I will always have Jacob with me. This first Thanksgiving will be the hardest to get through, and as others come and go, they hopefully will become easier to accept.

As my friends, family, and others read this article, my last for the Plainsman Press, I ask them to wipe the tears from their eyes. I ask everyone to realize what they have in this life, and to thank God for them. Gather around your family and friends and embrace these tender moments together, for they could be the last.

Always leave people who you love with a kind word, and don’t be ashamed to say those three precious words-"I love you". Never have any regrets in this lifetime, and offer forgiveness even if it pains you. I have had the chance to live through this firsthand, and it feels so much better if you try to live by this philosophy.

My intention for writing this article is to not preach to those who read this, or to try to gain some sympathy from the readers. My goal is to write about something, someone rather, that I have been dying to do for five months now.

As the holiday season nears, the sappy, feel-good stories people long for are ever present. But I hope that this article will bring peace to some people, as it has finally brought peace to my heart and mind. I know that when I see Jacob again, we will have some catching up to do. But until I do see him, I plan to live my life as Jacob has taught me.