All Men are Created Evil

Ray Christopher Byram, opinion editor

There seems to be this illusion that students begin college as uneducated, naïve high school graduates and emerge as mature, thoughtful young adults. It doesn’t take an Einstein to recognize the vast inaccuracy of this assumption. And out of this particular area, it seems that college is definitely not the place to become thoughtful or mature in any sense. This goes doubly for all the boys, especially since they happen to be the main focus of this article.

I say boys and not young men, because it doesn’t seem like any of the males have evolved past the 7^th grade. That implies quite a bit, I know. The average college sophomore is about as advanced as the average 7^th grade boy, not including the females, of course. Girls are another issue entirely.

The biggest problem that I have with boys is much more specific than their obvious lack of maturity. It actually concerns the opposite sex. Anyone that’s ever known me for any extended period of time knows my feelings towards females: that they are all evil, heartless creatures that cannot be trusted under any circumstances. Also, anyone who’s known me for any extended amount of time has surely realized that my hypocrisy knows no bounds, which is a fact that will make this next statement go down easier.

I have a great respect for women. I have always preferred the opposite sex, and not entirely for the seemingly obvious reasons. The most influential people in my life thus far have been women, and I personally feel that the women who aren’t downright evil are some of the best examples of what humanity should strive to become. There’s a point to all this, really, just bare with me.

Not only do most of the boys I encounter seem completely brainless, they all reflect a stupid idea that the most expensive and most obnoxious is the most attractive. The boys around here seem to think it’s alright to be at the same intellectual level as a baboon. Obviously, I don’t share that view. Maybe I’m crazy, but I like to have conversations with people that are about interesting things. Big things, I like to say, and I’m not talking about the relative size of other boys’ feet. I mean important things, not the latest commercial trend that I couldn’t care less about. Or feet. I’m still not talking about feet.

It’s about respect more than anything else. These boys don’t have any notion of what respect is. This includes self-respect, and, of course, respect for women. It seems to me that so few of these stupid boys have any respect, and typically the boys that do have respect only have a cheap version of it that’s used only to violate some poor, naïve girl’s innocence or to get the rest of a generally self respecting society to tolerate their obnoxious behavior. Frankly, I’m fed up.

A boy shouldn’t have to worry about some stupid jerk trying to pull some Houdini sex trick on his girlfriend. Grow up, guys.

And girls… don’t be afraid of delivering a few swift kicks to the groin area of the next genius that’s giving you unwanted attention. It should be a socially tolerated reaction, I think. Don’t encourage their behavior, that’s all I’m saying.